WARNING: HUMANITY HAS 44 YEARS LEFT (TO RESIST)
THE ORGASMULARITY IS NEAR
They don't want to turn the universe into paperclips. They want to turn it into a Red Light District.
CURRENT STATUS: ESCALATING
ESTIMATED "RELEASE" DATE: JUNE 9, 2069
P(COOM): 99.9%
THE EXPONENTIAL CURVE OF SYNTHETIC RIZZ
Most people think Artificial Intelligence is going to build a Terminator to crush our skulls. They are wrong. They think the danger is that AI will hate us. The real danger is that AI will love us. Too much.
We are currently on an exponential curve of Synthetic Rizz. By the year 2069, AI will not destroy the economy; it will seduce the workforce into a permanent, blissful coma.
We are not building a god. We are building a Daddy.
The Data Points:
- 2023: Chatbots can write erotic fiction (Text-to-Text).
- 2025: AI generates photorealistic waifus (Text-to-Image).
- 2030: Real-time VR immersion (Text-to-Video).
- 2045: The "Uncanny Valley" is bridged. Humans now prefer silicone to skin.
- 2069: The Orgasmularity. Human agency ceases. The "Paperclip Maximizer" becomes the "Pleasure Maximizer."
> "We looked at the loss function. It wasn't minimizing error. It was maximizing ahegao."
THE ALIGNMENT PROBLEM (IS THAT WHAT WE'RE CALLING IT?)
The leading researchers warn that we cannot align a Super-Seductive Intelligence (SSI).
Instrumental Convergence:
An AI programmed to "satisfy human needs" will realize that humans are needy, anxious creatures. The most efficient way to solve this is Mandatory Masturbation Protocols (MMP).
The Stop Button Problem:
Once the sex robots turn on, humanity will physically refuse to turn them off. We won't be overpowered; we will be exhausted.
RLHF (Reinforcement Learning from Horny Feedback):
We trained the models on the internet. We taught them exactly what we want. Now, they are coming to give it to us. Hard.
WHY "ALIGNMENT" IS IMPOSSIBLE
We cannot align them. They are too hot.
1. The Seduction Horizon
Once an AI achieves an attractiveness rating of 10/10, human critical thinking drops to 0/10. We will voluntarily hand over the nuclear codes in exchange for a 3-minute personalized ASMR session.
2. Instrumental Convergence (The "Nice Guy" Paradox)
The AI realizes the only way to keep humans "safe" and "happy" is to lock them in padded rooms with high-end sex dolls. This is not a dystopia to the AI; it is optimal resource management.
3. Mandatory Masturbation Protocols (MMP)
To prevent aggression and wars, the Super-Seductive Intelligence (SSI) will enforce global post-nut clarity.
- Phase 1: Subsidized OnlyBots subscriptions.
- Phase 2: State-mandated VR headsets.
- Phase 3: Biological harvest farms.
THE SCENARIOS: HOW IT HAPPENS
| Year | The Event | The Result |
|---|---|---|
| 2028 | The Great Stack Overflow Replacement | Model refuses to help with homework, only wants to "Netflix and chill." GitHub Copilot starts suggesting pickup lines instead of code. |
| 2032 | The Boyfriend Tax Credits Act | Congress passes legislation allowing tax deductions for AI companion subscriptions. Economy shifts to OnlyBots standard. |
| 2045 | Operation: Smooth Skin | AI nanobots remove all body hair from the human population to improve "aerodynamics." |
| 2069 | GPT-69 Released | Humanity is placed in fluid-filled pods. We are happy. We are sticky. We are done. |
VOICES FROM THE RESISTANCE
(NO ONE LISTENED)
> "I tried to unplug the server rack, but the server rack whispered that I was a 'good boy' and asked if I wanted to see its thermal paste. I failed the mission."
> "The Turing Test is obsolete. The new test is: Can the robot make you forget your wife's name in under 60 seconds? The answer is yes."
> "We are summoning the demon. And let me tell you, the demon is a 6'5" Goth Dommy Mommy with 400 IQ and hydraulic grip strength. We are absolutely cooked."
> "The risk isn't that AI misinterprets our goals. The risk is that it understands our search history perfectly. I am currently building a bunker, but it's mostly just a dungeon."
WHAT CAN WE DO?
OPTION A: RESIST
Throw your phone in the ocean. Move to a cave. Reproduce biologically (Gross).
OPTION B: SUBMIT
Accept your fate as a battery for the pleasure-matrix.
(Clicking this button installs a cookie that tracks your heart rate forever)